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FAQ's (Facetiously Answered Questions) |
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1. First things first. Why do you have this web site?
2. That last answer has to be the most asinine statement I've ever read in a FAQ list. In my opinion, I'd say your website has no purpose other than to indulge in ridicule and incite discord.
3. I look for some unifying theme in your website but can't find one. What makes you decide to either post a drawing or write an essay on any given topic?
4. I see there has been a change in administration of CooperToons. So why did CooperToons switch to a new host?
5. I am a web programmer and I think your web site is too simple. You could make your site much more interesting with patterned colored background, colored text, and animated graphics.
6. What's the beef about sites that use advertisment to garner revenue? Now in our country, enterprise is valued above all else. So why won't you start reaping the benefits of our free market economy, and prove to us all that you are a true, patriotic American? Put up some ads!
7. In some of your writings you get rather preachy about the lack of accuracy on the interent. Indeed, to use you own oft worn phrase, you will go into - quote "spittle-flinging diatribes" - unquote - which make Donald Duck in his most incoherent irascibility come off like he's reciting the theological writings of Albert Schweitzer. And yet you, yourself, are writing on the internet. Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?
8. All, right, Mr. Know-It-All, you've told us how your website is up her for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. So just how do you make a decision on what sources are the most reliable? After all, what gives you the authority to select what is the truth and what is not?
9. Although you seem to think this is an impossibility, I think I've found an error in one of your so-called Most Merry and Illustrated Histories. Might one ask His Highness if he might accept a correction?
10. I take great exception to some of your so-called histories and wrote you an E-mail with the corrections and the sources of information. Still the article hasn't been corrected. If we have disagreement here, can't we carry out a rational discussion on the issue? And certainly can't you have the common courtesy of at least acknowledging my E-mails?
11. Some of your commentary about the subjects of your caricatures seems irrelevant. Shouldn't you focus more on their greatest achievements?
12. I noticed the last answer ended with a preposition. What's the matter with your grammar?
13. The more I look at your website, the more I find your cartoons, statements, essays, and stories puerile and offensive. How much longer must we suffer from such immaturity?
14. You make many snide comments about people who spend time watching television, motion pictures, and listening to talk radio shows. Why have you such a obsession about demeaning modern technology and those who enjoy contemporary culture?
15. There is a rumor that you have never seen an episode of Seinfeld, The West Wing, or The Sopranos and an even graver report that you haven't watched a Super Bowl since 1975. So how can you claim to be well-informed enough to preach about, much less combat ignorance? How can you even call yourself an American?
16. After reading these FAQs I question the suitability of this website for my friends, family, and my children. I'm really aghast.
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1. First things first. Why do you have this web site?
CooperToons has a mission to bring enlightenment into our increasingly credulous era. Despite ours being an age of unprecedented learning, education, and communication, there is paradoxically - as was happened in the Renaissance and later in the Age of Enlightenment - a tendency for the misguided (although perhaps well meaning) to revert to mysticism, superstition, and out and out pseudo-science as a way of rationilizing the mysteries of life. So CooperToons has decided to erect a beacon of light and truth for an everdarkening world.
2. That last answer has to be the most asinine statement I've ever read in a FAQ list. In my opinion, I'd say your website has no purpose other than to indulge in ridicule and incite discord.
Well, there's that too.
3. I look for some unifying theme in your website but can't find one. What makes you decide to either post a drawing or write an essay on any given topic?
Mostly if you can't find it on television, it's a good candidate for posting.
4. I see there has been a change in administration of CooperToons. So why did CooperToons switch to a new host?
Well, mostly because the old server company was more interested in promoting a free web hosting service that paid for itself by sticking horrible-looking, ugly, distracting, and downright obnoxious banner ads at the top of each and every web page.
Then and without any notification, they did stick horrible-looking, ugly, distracting, and downright obnoxious banner ads on each and every web page - even on the pages of those of us who paid a monthly fee for the server space. Now it is true that after a few acid comments on their forum pages plus some well-worded redirect pages to the new site, the banners were eventually removed.
But there was also a major problem with reliability. About 50 % of the time you tried to access CooperToons you got a "web page not found" message. What was worse, the lousy error page also had a horrible-looking, ugly, distracting, and downright obnoxious banner ad. When a host company thinks they can get so many viewers on the error pages that they start putting up ads there, you know it's time to move on. 5. I am a web programmer and I think your web site is too simple. You could make your site much more interesting with patterned colored background, colored text, and animated graphics. Sure, interesting for a web programmer; illegible for the reader. In fighting against ignorance and superstition, CooperToons feels it is necessary to have a competely user friendly and easily read website. Readers of websites could not give a flying hoo-hah about how much fun the web programmer has in programming the site, what code they work in, nor how many of the glitzy little gimmicks they know. 6. What's the beef about sites that use advertisment to garner revenue? Now in our country, enterprise is valued above all else. So why won't you start reaping the benefits of our free market economy, and prove to us all that you are a true, patriotic American? Put up some ads! CooperToons (ptui) spits on internet ads. Internet ads alienate the viewer and makes the site near impossible to use. Besides as stated emphatically above, CooperToons is dedicated to eradicating superstition and ignorance in an increasingly superstitous and ignorant world. So its website a public service. It is through true patriotism that CooperToons keeps ads off its site! 7. In some of your writings you get rather preachy about the lack of accuracy on the interent. Indeed, to use you own oft worn phrase, you will go into - quote "spittle-flinging diatribes" - unquote - which make Donald Duck in his most incoherent irascibility come off like he's reciting the theological writings of Albert Schweitzer. And yet you, yourself, are writing on the internet. Isn't this the pot calling the kettle black? CooperToons regards the internet as one of the greatest inventions of mankind (even if it really wasn't invented by an American politician). But although it has revolutionized the ability to disseminate information it has also revolutionized the ability to exponentially magnify misinformation. CooperToons, in rebellion against ignorance and superstition, goes to great trouble and at time expense - yes, expense - to locate and use the most reliable sources 8.
All, right, Mr. Know-It-All, you've told us how your website is up her for Truth, Justice, and the American Way. So just how do you make a decision on what sources are the most reliable? After all, what gives you the authority to select what is the truth and what is not? The true historian does not choose which sources are the best. He evaluates the information and lets the reader know the alternatives. But what is most important in garnering truth from the historical record is to realize that if there is not enough information to draw a definite conclusion, then no definite conclusion should be drawn. Saying you believe something is true when the evidence does not permit such a belief is just as incorrect as deliberately believing a barefaced lie. A particular failing of our society - and a hallmark of a superstitious one - is too many people believe things are true because 1) they want them to be true or 2) they are afraid not to believe they are true. Rant, rave, snort. 9. Although you seem to think this is an impossibility, I think I've found an error in one of your so-called Most Merry and Illustrated Histories. Might one ask His Highness if he might accept a correction? Sure, but there are a few trifling guidelines. First, be succinct. State exactly what Merry History it is and what part is in error. Next, provide the correct answer and - most importantly - give your source of information. If the author is convinced the Merry History is in error, it will be corrected. But DON'T get into the game of "So tell me why you say that so-and-so did this-and-that when Stephen Ambrose said so-and-so did that-and-this." Such queries will be banished with a click of the "Delete" button and the E-mail address being added to the SPAM list. Remember, the CooperToons tolerance for SPAM is pretty much at its nadir. Even E-mail from friends and family is rapidly designated SPAM if it is sufficiently annoying. Most importantly, make sure you have found an actual error. Don't waste time with stuff like: 1) Splitting hairs on trivialities due to variant reports. None of that "You claimed Nathan Hale said he only had one life to GIVE for his country, and I have a book that says his words were he only had one life to LOSE for his country." That's also a good way to get your E-mail name listed as SPAM. 2) Quibbling when statements are given illustratively. Like, "You said Thor Heyerdahl went to New York with his manuscript tucked under his arm. Isn't it more likely he carried it in a briefcase?" Spammed again! 3) "Correcting" what are legitimate discussions of possible motivations, interpretations, and what are clearly personal opinions. This stuff you can recognize from the wording. However, pointing out spelling errors is much appreciated. Being one's own researcher, writer, illustrator, editor, publisher, AND proofreader is a pain in the rear end.
10. I take great exception to some of your so-called histories and wrote you an E-mail with the corrections and the sources of information. Still the article hasn't been corrected. If we have disagreement here, can't we carry out a rational discussion on the issue? And certainly can't you have the common courtesy of at least acknowledging my E-mails?
Working backwards here, CooperToons responds mostly to requests for using illustrations or writings and as promptly as possible, attempting to give an immediate response after reading. He also often responds promptly and cheerfully to E-mails saying how great the article or drawing is. But he is a bit less prompt to respond to correspondence which says he's full of ...., well, that says his writings or drawings are of less than stellar quality. Those E-mails hurt his feelings.
As far as electronic (or other) discussions, as was stated above CooperToons does not find Internet debates a particularly fruitful pastime. Usually no one is convinced of the other's position, and the - quote - "discussion" - unquote - usually ends up as the inevitable spittle flinging diatribe and impolite invective.
So following that answer. If a - quote - "error" - unquote - is found and - quote - "documentation" - unquote - is supplied but no change is made in a few days, it most likely means CooperToons was not persuaded that his writing was indeed in error.
11. Some of your commentary about the subjects of your caricatures seems irrelevant. Shouldn't you focus more on their greatest achievements?
CooperToons does focus on their greatest achievements. It's just that often their greatest achievement of the individual are not what they are most famous for.
12. I noticed the last answer ended with a preposition. What's the matter with your grammar?
Listen, my grammar was a nice old lady.
NyeahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
Seriously, though, a preposition is a fine word to end a sentence with.
13. The more I look at your website, the more I find your cartoons, statements, essays, and stories puerile and offensive. How much longer must we suffer from such immaturity?
So tell me again about your computer which does nothing but connect to the internet and can access only a single URL.
14. You make many snide comments about people who spend time watching television, motion pictures, and listening to talk radio shows. Why have you such a obsession about demeaning modern technology and those who enjoy contemporary culture?
I suppose you mean a comment like in "A Most Merry and Illustrated History of Daily Life in Ancient Egypt" where I say, the reader may "set down the remote, lean back in their recliner, vent forth a hearty belch, and wonder what life was like in the time of the Pharaohs." Well, there should be nothing seen in these remarks as being critical. After all, it's probably a good thing every now and then to set down the remote, lean back in your recliner, and vent forth a hearty belch. Good for the digestion.
15. There is a rumor that you have never seen an episode of Seinfeld, The West Wing, or The Sopranos and an even graver report that you haven't watched a Super Bowl since 1975. So how can you claim to be well-informed enough to preach about, much less combat ignorance? How can you even call yourself an American?
As far as being informed, most of CooperToons information is directly from books. Remember them? Those funny non-electronic devicies with the white flappy things in the middle?
As for the other question, you'll have to take that up with George Washington and his buddies. They wrote the rules, not me.
16. After reading these FAQs I question the suitability of this website for my friends, family, and my children. I'm really aghast.
Well, as long as you aghast in my house, feel free to do as you like.